a u t h e n t i c i t y .

 hello:)

i'm currently sitting in a coffee shop writing. it's a rainy day. but don't think cold. because well... it is not cold. on my off days, it is very fun to dress up and feel pretty. 🤍

guess it has been a hot minute since i have written. so trying to figure out where to start and what to tell you ?

aug. 20 - saturday dawned. we had breakfast, did horse chores, and started cleaning the house. those are very normal things you would see if you stopped by on a saturday. well. this was not a "normal" saturday. all of the ranch staff and two of our board members came to the ranch as well. there is a couple that may be coming to the ranch as house parents in the future and were here for a visit to check the ranch out, ask questions, and just meet everyone and get acquainted. the ranchers and we mentors on duty continued to clean. our ranchers don't love company. it makes them nervous. it was nice to have something for them to do. :) after this busy morning, there were still more things in the day. late afternoon, our 3rd rancher arrived ! i got to help with the intake. her parents stayed for a hot dog roast and smores. 😋 they said goodbye. she sat there and started to cry. i sat with her. this is scary. she will face things that are hard. we are new people. it feels overwhelming.     after this full day, i was done. i just wanted to sit and cry. it was so much. after the ranchers were in bed, i did a bunch of exercises and cried. i had so much pinned up inside. it needed to come out. after this, i felt better but still there were things inside.

before a new girl comes to the ranch, we send a detailed list, listing everything they can bring. when she arrives, one or two authorities and the rancher, go through everything she has brought. while we were doing this, mr. todd's and another mentor talked with the parents.

aug 24 - wednesday evenings mr. todd's are in charge . this means, we mentor's can leave and spend the evening together :) this evening, we got chick-fil-a and took it to a park. just a fun outing, 

aug 26 - interview day. a family came to the ranch to see if their girl would be a fit for the ranch. so, at the end of the day, we took a vote and yes. she will be our 4th rancher. her arrival date is september 9. :)

aug 27-28 *drum roll please* the weekend. I GOT TO BE WITH MY PARENTS FROM CENTER! (wes and anna ensz - i lived with them the second year i taught in center) that is something to be more than excited about. the best part is, i didn't even ask if i could be with them. it just happened. here is the story. i talked to anna on wednesday. she told me they were on their way to copeland. (wes's mom and brother and his wife live there, along with some of their family) i just made comment to ms. regina about that and that they should just keep coming to see me :) then she asked me if i would want to go see them since it was my weekend off. um.. i mean if it's an option than i definitely would consider it! so she asked on the board chat and i got the ok ! so saturday morning came and i was on the road to copeland ! i didn't know if would be going, for my car didn't want to start. i prayed and then opened my key and blew it out and it started. i decided that God wanted me to go:)  late sunday afternoon came too soon, and back to the ranch i came. it was so good to be with someone you love and knows you. 🤍 oh, another really happy thing is that i got to drive my car :)

jogging. we have been doing some jogging/walking intervals. we are using this to push our girls. sometimes they are stuck. so... we have a girl that does not keep up. this is not ok. we aren't going too fast or doing this for too long. definitely has brought up some feelings. she also has been angry at me since i am having her do this. we have had circle ups out in the middle of our dirt road. this last time we went jogging, we decided to not circle up until we got back to the house. when we started walking up the driveway, she asked to talk with ms. jenna. wow. so much control. so no, we did not stop and talk. i ended up talking with her. then since she did not keep up, she had to walk to the end of the driveway and back.

aug 31 - ms jenna and i went to siloam springs, ate supper at tropical smoothie. i would definitely recommend :) then we went to the park, walked main street, and stopped at walmart. 

one of our ranchers is on coloring duty. she is not wanting to work on her life and does not care. so, if she does not care, we are not going to be putting more effort into her life than she is willing to. we do not know how long she will be coloring. whenever she is ready to work on her life, we will be ready to help her. she leaves her coloring for meals, quite time, therapy, and prayers/night.

ok. now my word. authenticity (n.) : the quality of being authentic. for book study, we are taking a book called truefaced. this word was in there and i just really like it. it is what i want to have. it has talked about wearing masks or letting people see who you really are. we can live in either of these two rooms. room of "good intentions" or the room of "trusting God". i have been really thinking about this. i know i want to live in the room of "trusting God". even if i live in the room of "trusting God" , it does not mean i will not try to put on masks again. because i will. it is scary for people to see the real me. it makes me vulnerable and able to get hurt. but i want to live with Jesus beside me, facing my sin instead of trying to be good enough to have a close relationship with Him. 

please keep me in your prayers as i work on my life and be who He created me to be. 🤍

xo, 

ms. brooke